my dream

the hunt to be recognized, the dream of becoming accepted for who i am, what i am and what i stand for… for people to like me, to think i’m special… yes, that’s a part of my dream.

but most of all… i want to make people laugh, smile, to feel like they understand me, to have someone to understand them as well. i want to be the kind of support that i’ve gotten from other idols, actors, artists…

i want to be an escape, an idol to make people at the bottom belive, that there’s a way to the top. that i’ve been at the bottom and have gotten up…

though… that’s all only going to happen, if i get there… so i’ll dream of the how the wind will feel at the top, while fighting with the waves below.

Diary; 06-19

Sometimes I really wish that I could read people’s minds… because then I could see their real pain, the pain they hide, and the pain they can’t put into words. Then I would know what to say to make them happy, know what to do to erase that pain… sometimes people just think it’s nothing much to talk about, or that other’s would think they are broken if they tell them their problems. Or maybe they are just afraid of people’s reactions?

I learn by seeing or experiencing things through other people. I’m quite of good person when it comes to imitating people or copying. When people talk about love, I sound like an expert when talking about it… truth is I’ve never experienced love other than unrequited love, if you want to know about that just ask. I’m definitely an experienced expert on that part.

I really admire people like… Yixing or known as Lay from EXO. He’s so humble, he’s such a great and warmhearted person that doesn’t forget anyone, though at many times, he’s forgotten. He apologized when he got hurt and then couldn’t dance through wolf fully because of the pain he felt.
Yixing you shouldn’t apologize. We couldn’t have done what you had done, well maybe… now I can because I’ve learned from you, and to know a person as strong as you, I want to become a strong person as well. You… maybe I do not fangirl over you that much or see you as my favorite… but you really are a person I admire and love. Please take care of yourself, neh?
Please take care of yourself, because what can you do if you get sick? Be healthy, take pauses so that you can give your fullest, and you don’t have to force yourself to it. Sometimes our bodies are the limit when it comes to things, and limits should be remembered. Don’t cross that border, stay behind it and stay safe. We only wish the best for you, like you wish the best for us. Fight hard, but don’t ruin yourself on the way. ~