Hopeless

At times I guess. You just give up upon life a little bit.
Like the hope you stored in this big wonder, it just fades.
I try to seem so open, to seem prepared for the worst.
Still the worst gets me.
I hope for the best.
Though it never reaches me.
It passes my nose like when I’m late for the bus.
I watch it go, wondering whether to run for it or just give up.
Giving up has become my thing.
There’s no bright world left.
It’s such a hopeless life, where nothing good happens.
I’m walking on my own, not a part of anything.
I wish I could be.
I wish I could for once taste how it is to be normal.
Instead of swimming in my own lonely lake.
The dark water is something I’m scared of,
but it’s the only thing I have left.
I don’t want this life.
I want to be happy, I want to for once just receive a little bit.
Just a little bit of happiness.
A kiss, maybe? Words of confession…
Though it’s always me. Buried in my own self-loath.
There’s no knight to pull me up.
Though it’s the only hope I have left.
And I hate that fact.
That I know it will never come.
And that I’m actually,
 hopeless.