Love is Weakness

Will I ever have the courage to love another person?
To bare my heart and let it show?
Without fearing rejection?

I doubt I will.

Love will forever be a foreign thing
that won’t ever be my weakness again.

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Chess Piece

When your eyes suddenly see,
what you’ve always been blind to,
it’s suddenly so hard to unsee.

The people you loved are all broken,
you’re broken, the world is broken,
and everybody is just trying to get through the day.

Your inner child cries every time you step away,
every time somebody changes you struggle to accept;
that this is life and you’ll have to change with them.

So little time, trying to understand that I,
will never stay in the game,
I will never belong in the game they’re playing.

Life is like playing chess and I’m a broken chess piece,
that is kept on being used,
and that the player keeps trusting the final move.

I am no queen, I cannot fight this fight you’re
so confidently giving me,
I am weak and I’m barely holding on.

I keep seeing my friends fall and get up,
I keep trying to defend a king that I don’t know,
and the enemy has many faces.

Take a deep breath and look outside,
this may be hard but, time will pass,
and you will eventually forget it all.

The world outside is painted by your eyes,
and when your mind is removing all colors,
just do your best to find one color that fits you and paint.

I want a colored chessboard, full of colored pieces,
I want the queen to bow to the king instead of breaking him,
I want the towers built together forming a bridge.

I will rebuild myself from the shattered pieces,
I will become stronger and better,
and eventually I will smile more often when I’m alone.

One day I will fall asleep feeling contempt,
and not dread and fear for the next day,
one day I won’t feel like living up to high standards.

May that day be tomorrow, may I build a bridge tonight.
May I feel the spirit of the horse sprinting across the field,
May I feel the wind as if it was the first time it caressed my cheek.

Oh can I let myself drown in music,
let it embrace me until I feel like I’ve healed enough,
so that I can take another blow to the heart.

I see you, I know you and no matter what,
you can always find a friend or a listener in me,
when life is grey find a new color in me.

reflected

you think you’ll vanish in dreams.
you think in dreams you’ll finally be free.
but in your dreams you’ll be in focus.
and in your dreams your cruel mind is the master.
it will play with you and it will show you your problems,
if only you grasp them and remember them.

in shock you awaken, gasping for breath.
she is not dead, she is alive, it was just a dream.
scattered across continents, you were all alone,
surviving in a school, electrocution, family, fighting.
it all has a meaning, and it’s frightening.
this is how your brains says; don’t ignore yourself.

electrocution: your actions will lead to a disaster.
you fear the consequenses of your actions.
apocalypse: emotional and dramatic change within yourself.
the end of one lifestyle and the beginning of another.
illness: “borrowed time”, hopelessness and grief
a reminder that life is too precious.

alone: indicates feelings of rejection.
you may feel like no one understands you.
soldier: you are preparing yourself to do battle over an issue.
you feel the need to defend your beliefs, values and opinions.
family: security, warmth and love.
could mean that you are overly dependent on your family.

and so this is my struggles, reflected in my dreams,
like facing the surface of a still lake,
seeing your reflection, though a little distorted.
don’t ignore yourself and your problems,
stop excusing yourself and act up,
realize and learn, but mostly; keep on living.