Burn Bright

I hold it in.
Bite my bottom lip.
Chew on it as the energy blossoms.
My chest grow larger and instead,
the energy trickles through my veins.
He makes me feel happy,
he’s too kind, too sweet,
he makes me feel like a woman,
like a person who can be liked,
someone people can adore,
someone likable.

He’s amazing,
I want to say that.
He’s intelligent,
he has scars, he’s real,
he’s cute and so handsome.
I’m taller than him;
I laugh instead.
Because I cannot reveal,
that I am starting to really,
like
him.

Can I talk about him?
I ask as if he’s some secret,
as soon as we step outside,
I distance myself,
crawl into a corner of myself.
They cannot see that I have
feelings
I am not weak like that,
that’s what a voice in my head says.
Love and affection is weakness.

We’re dangerously getting closer,
the more I laugh with you,
the more you talk about a future,
a future where we still talk,
a maybe,
that was not what I came for.
I keep saying that to myself,
I didn’t come for
love
for perfection like you.

And it isn’t love,
yet
and maybe it won’t be love,
ever,
but I will not throw away
an opportunity so golden,
you may not be perfect,
but you’re so much better,
“lock it down” his father said.

Could I really be something,
to be kept precious,
and to be treasured like that?
And I breathe in and breathe out,
calm down, calm down,
this smile is too wide,
too bright.
You can turn out light.
But for fucks sake,
I want to burn.

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Rise

You know I only come on this page when I have too many emotions to deal with at the moment.
So here I am, ready to speak my mind after having two great months without needing to write it down.
I feel alive though. I realize and recognize my pain. The past and the present. My insecurities are there but I manage them and receive so much positivity.
And then as if Denmark has become a thorn and it’s stuck in my heel, I face the mind I’ve been running away from. The narrow-minded people that will never come out of their own bubble.
Do people ever realize that their life is not the only thing? In a story there’s not just one main character, all the other characters are main characters of their own. Like our lives, there are so much more depth to a person than you see.
He must be in a deep pain, he must be caught in this idea of what life is. Pretending that life is simple.
Maybe I’m cursed to have a mind that is too open, too vast and full of corners that I have to explore. I’m cursed with feelings that appear like a cleft and all of sudden you’re falling.
Usually I end up in front of them, staring down into the abyss and wondering if I should let myself fall, but I step over them and continue.
I let myself dive in, I landed and I suffered but I found a ladder up again and somehow I was on higher ground?
I’m alive.
I am living like I should live. Anxiety tugged away, mind open and courage in my heart as I step over my borders. I feel so alive right now, and it’s amazing.

I thought I would always feel so numb, but it’s not like that.

The pain and suffering that I have been through… I will put that in my back and from time to time glance over my shoulder. But ahead there is a mountain and I will reach its peak. I can do this.

I have never in my life been more motivated to fucking do this.

See me rise.