Familiar

I’m bothered by how still I’m standing,
walking these familiar streets,
yet they’re all so new,
talking a familiar language,
but stumbling over the words,
learning new things,
working hard,
be good, be perfect,
welcome back, welcome back,
the future is so far away,
yet here i am explaining it,
to another and another,
people with familiar faces,
welcome back, what now?

I am frustrated,
by how little I changed,
and by how different I am,
what I wanted to become,
didn’t happen at all and yet,
I am not the one who left,
is this how it goes?
with so much time,
can I settle for a moment?
I’m afraid of it being only temporary,
of leaving it all behind once again,
becoming a familiar stranger,
cutting friendships short,
safe travels, goodbye!

I am afraid of letting go,
of learning how to hold on,
and then letting go as I leave again,
only a year, then you’re somewhere new,
but I am not, the future isn’t settled,
so much time, so many expectations,
trying to stay familiar,
trying not to seem out of place,
but I am a different colored puzzle piece,
and I do not fit in anymore,
I never looked right,
but now I am not shaped right.
Few friends fit with me,
safe travels, see you again?

It’s like going back to my childhood,
visiting old places,
seeing how the children of my time has grown,
all of them familiar,
but now new people,
the winter aches in my bones,
but the smile of a friend lifts my spirits,
I am safe here,
yet so changed and unknown,
is the future bright?
or am I going to settle with this familiar place?
Leaving behind all my dreams,
of places far, far away?
welcome back, welcome home!

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