Burn Bright

I hold it in.
Bite my bottom lip.
Chew on it as the energy blossoms.
My chest grow larger and instead,
the energy trickles through my veins.
He makes me feel happy,
he’s too kind, too sweet,
he makes me feel like a woman,
like a person who can be liked,
someone people can adore,
someone likable.

He’s amazing,
I want to say that.
He’s intelligent,
he has scars, he’s real,
he’s cute and so handsome.
I’m taller than him;
I laugh instead.
Because I cannot reveal,
that I am starting to really,
like
him.

Can I talk about him?
I ask as if he’s some secret,
as soon as we step outside,
I distance myself,
crawl into a corner of myself.
They cannot see that I have
feelings
I am not weak like that,
that’s what a voice in my head says.
Love and affection is weakness.

We’re dangerously getting closer,
the more I laugh with you,
the more you talk about a future,
a future where we still talk,
a maybe,
that was not what I came for.
I keep saying that to myself,
I didn’t come for
love
for perfection like you.

And it isn’t love,
yet
and maybe it won’t be love,
ever,
but I will not throw away
an opportunity so golden,
you may not be perfect,
but you’re so much better,
“lock it down” his father said.

Could I really be something,
to be kept precious,
and to be treasured like that?
And I breathe in and breathe out,
calm down, calm down,
this smile is too wide,
too bright.
You can turn out light.
But for fucks sake,
I want to burn.