Let Me Love

he said it
said those words
and they blew me away
i felt a surge in my chest
going through all of my body
like electricity
i was left breathless

and every time
i find myself trying
trying to say those words
i hear them in my mind
but they never pass my lips
a gate closes
and i hope he sees it in my eyes

he says it now
with confidence and a smile
a smile that turns brighter
and he says that he never thought
that he would be able to love someone
like he loves me
and i want to say it too

i have never
never ever felt something
more confusing
than not being able to tell someone
that i love them……
even writing it is hard
i feel physical restraint

it’ll get easier
but first
it will be hard
facing my biggest fear
but i want him to know
i want myself to know
i want to love
i want to love
i want to love someone
i want to love someone
i want to love him
i want to love him so badly

love isn’t weakness
how can i convince myself that
after so many years of hurting
after so many years of anxiety
how can i allow myself to open up
to bare myself completely
and let someone hold my heart in their hands
when i know they can crush it
i know that he would never
that he would care for it and be gentle
but it’s not him
it’s my own battle
he never caused that fear
it came inside my heart and settled
and now i will chase it away