Aftermath

the aftermath of a panic attack
the total focus on how your sobs sound
you can’t even be swallowed by it
because you’re still trying to be in control
your eyes are wet
your hands trembling
and you wish for it to stop
but you have no courage
how do you ask for help
when your perfect image is shattering
how do you ask for forgiveness
for wishing for death
i don’t want to take the selfish way
not by giving in
i want to strive and shine
but i look at what i have and realize what i do not
and the limit of time pressures me into dispear
and i can’t even think clear
i’ll forever be uselss to myself
a body unable to do what i want
a mind just was weak
i’ll live my life being disappointed in myself
and never seek higher ground
i’m a low being and when i do go higher
i realize it was on unstable ground
and i fall even lower than i had ever been
so why should i try to crawl up again
when i know i’ll never make it
the aftermath of a panic attack
the numb feeling in your heart
and the ache in your back
what does it take
to get back on track?